God's Bespoke Tailoring, a blog by Reid Klos

Why do we lie? 

Don’t even try it.  You lie.  Whether it’s to someone else or to yourself – YOU LIE.

I’ve been thinking about that quite a bit since listening to Talking To Tasha this past Wednesday night.  We were talking about Down Low (DL) dudes and how they are helping facilitate the AIDS epidemic among women, and we mentioned why women don’t just ask, “Hey, honey, do you have sex with other men as well?”  Granted, I don’t think anyone wants to have that conversation, although, these days we definitely should.

Here’s my thing though.  We lie!  With all the mantras of “keeping it real” and “I’m grown” and “Independent Women” and “I’m Holy Spirit filled” and whatever else we say that denotes I’m honest and don’t have to lie, we still do.

Back In the Day

I think about the men that I met through the years that were married and tried to kick it with me.  My response was always: “I don’t do, Daddies,” a category that mainly described married and/or “bi” men.  If I wasn’t going to involve a woman into my chaotic alternative life (as I called it then), why would I allow someone else to? Or make them think it was okay?  Of course, back then, I didn’t even know the statistics of black women contracting the disease.  I just tried to keep foolishness to a minimum.

Yet, I’ve been guilty about lying or hiding other aspects of my life; whether it’s to get what I want or to give people the perception I want them to have of me.  It’s all very draining. 

So why do it?  Why lie?  If you are a grown ass man, taking care of yourself, and the only person you have to answer to is God, then why lie to a woman if she is brave enough to ask you if you get down with dudes?  Why lie about your HIV status if someone is concerned enough about their health to ask you about yours?  Why lie & cheat when you can just tell your husband/boyfriend that you want to see other people?  Why tell a child Santa Clause is real when you know he isn’t (I know that’s random)?

My point is, lying destroys people more than the truth.  

News Flash: {whispers} You’re not protecting anyone.

The Bible records Jesus saying, “The truth will set you free.”  And that truth, sometimes, has to be told to you by you.

Don’t be fool enough to think that people are going to keep it real, because they are afraid just like you are – afraid of losing love, afraid of being ridiculed, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of rejection, afraid of success, afraid of the dark, afraid of being honest, and the the list goes on.  So why lie to yourself saying, “What I don’t know won’t hurt me,” or even “I can take whatever’s dished.”  Chances are it will hurt you and you can’t take it.

I just want you to be wise.  Actually be the smart individual that you portray yourself to be.  Actually live the integrity that you say you have.   Don’t tell yourself that you can spot someone that is diseased or that you can spot a Gay a mile away.  If others lie, connive, manipulate and omit the way you do. ..enough said.

Get tested. Be honest. Keep praying.