Tear #59

Father,

I need You. You’ve known that but apparently I’m just realizing it…again. No, that’s not true, LORD, I’ve known it. I don’t know why I’m feeling so, blah. Please help me to stop trying to be You as far as punishing myself for falling short. I believe that You’re loving and forgiving and I think that’s why I feel so horrible when I miss the mark. Maybe I’m trying too hard and missing the vitals of being Your child.

Thank You for the patience You’ve shown me. Thanks for talking to me via the numerous ways that You do.  I always feel loved with You, that’s for sure.  Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.  Don’t cast me away from Your presence and don’t take Your Holy Spirit from me either.  I believe that I can do this with You.  I believe I can be holy even as You are holy.  Restore unto me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with Your free spirit.

That’s basically it, God, create in me a clean heart.  I’m not asking for money, or fame, or wealth, even; just give me a clean heart so I can follow You, unwavering.  I’m tired of the roller coaster because it seems that my lows are getting too low, and I know that that’s a personality trait of melancholies, so I need You for balance.

I love You, LORD, I do. I believe in You and what You can do, too; please help my unbelief.  I’m not worthy of any of my blessings, not even life, yet You…