The Showroom
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- Bespoke Tailored (133)
- Off the Cuff (55)
- Two or Three (150)
A Tie That Bound
Not speaking to my dad for almost a year wore me out. I wouldn’t answer his calls. I just wanted space. Ironically, one day, I was talking with God and the subject of my dad came up. We discussed him and I realized that I missed him.
I missed my dad.
Wow. I missed being able to call him when I wanted to and ask him about things. That only happened once in a blue moon, yet, it was, and is, always refreshing to have dad on the other end, because he knows me, at least 50%. So, I bit my pride, asked God to be with me, and dialed dad’s number.
“Hello,” his groggy voice greeted me.
“Hey dad,” I said. He managed a hey back.
“I miss you, man,” the Holy Spirit said for me, because I don’t know where it came from. And that was all the Spirit wrote, because from there we talked a bit about the letter i had written to him before the silence. He admitted to me that he probably wouldn’t change because he felt that everything that he does is for our good. How can I argue that? I just have to handle him accordingly, since I don’t agree with his actions.
We talked for about an hour and a half. The thing that got me the most is when we were talking about my nephews and raising kids.
Dad asked me: “Do you think you’ll be a good parent?”
I fought back tears. “Yes, sir. I think I’ll be good.”
“So do I. What’s wrong then? Why don’t you do it?”
“I…” My eyes betrayed me. I licked the tear.
“I know you think that you can’t do it,” he began, “but sin is sin, Junior. The same way that I have to pray and beg God to help me be faithful and keep me from having sex with all these different women, that’s the same thing you’re going to have to do. You can do it, boy. You’re gonna have to get a good girl that understands your fight, that’s willing to help you. You’ll have to be honest with her and let her know that’s your struggle. Just because that’s on your mind doesn’t mean you can’t be a good husband, or a good parent. You’re gonna have to keep praying. That’s what I do.”
My dad has never talked to me about my struggle with homosexuality, except when I first told him about it when I was 19. He didn’t mention what I had to fight against in the previous conversation either; just eluded to it. Yet, to have my dad’s blessing and vote of confidence on my ability to be a good father and husband, with God’s help… I’m still digesting it all.
I said all that to say that this week started with God lifting a mountain of a burden from my soul when I was willing to obey and make the first move.
Whatever you’re holding on to let it go. If you have angst against someone for whatever it may be, then you’re sinning right along with them, because your spirit of unforgiveness is tying you to their spirit.
Not speaking to my dad for almost a year wore me out. I wouldn’t answer his calls. I just wanted spa
keep praying and remembering my name. lonliness is a suffocating thing and I know He is there, but right now I need to feel Him for real
Father, please continue to make Your presence known. Comfort and reassure. amen
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casey stengel
“the trick is growing up without growing old”
Posted in Bespoke Tailored Leave a comment
~casey stengel~
the trick is growing up without growing old