Regardless, I am awake and thanking You for another day, more life, a chance to bask in Your glory.

Lord, increase my faith, please.  If that’s the key to unlocking heaven’s storehouse then I need it.  I need that faith that believes that You can do all things.  Not just the simple things.  Not just the logical things.  I need that faith that believes that I can step out on water; that faith that believes when You speak it is done; that faith that slaps doubt upside the head and tells it, “Move! You don’t belong here!”

I’m thirsting for You badly right now, Father.  Don’t deny me what I need.  You promised to give us what we need, especially if it was in Your will.  Isn’t me having the faith to speak to a mountain and move it in Your will?  I have mountains that need to be moved, Lord.  If those mountains aren’t moved, no, eradicated then I’m going to be lost, man.  Please grant me my request.  Teach me what I need to know; show me what I need to do; help me understand it all; give me the strength to endure the process.

Put Your healing hands on Shawn’s neck, back and thyroid.  Speak to Him as he continues to seek You out.  Thank You for his friendship.  Please honor his desire to know You.  Show Him Your glory as he reads Your word.  As He reads, Lord, melt away the preconceived ideas he’s holding, ignite a flame in his soul that will not only warm him but those he comes in contact with.

To hear Anthis on the phone last night, Father, was to hear a different guy than the one I’ve been speaking to for the past few years.  Thank You for blessing him.  You know You had me shaking a bit.  I know You didn’t do it on any merit of mine, but because I held onto the merits of Christ.  Don’t forget that this is supposed to give him a glimpse of Your majesty, Lord.  You’re directing this whole thing and I am impressed with it entirely.  Thank You for the house and how well that’s working out for him.  Thanks for the job and the great reviews he’s receiving from his superiors and co-workers.

Keep a watchful eye on the revival that All-Nations is trying to have.  You know I have mixed emotions about the whole thing.  Yet, since the church is making an effort I have to pray for at least one soul to connect to You.  It may not even be the ones that are being reached out to, which would be ironic since it is being called a revival instead of a crusade or evangelistic meeting.  If Your spirit is anywhere in the vicinity, Lord, connect with a heart that is open to You.  Be among me, Sis Marva and Sis Sandra as we pray this morning during the early morning power hour which I need to get ready for.

I love talking to You, Father.  Speak to me as only You can do, and may praise continually be on my lips because praise is comely.

Amen.

Long time, no hear right?  I know.  How are things going in your corner of the globe?  How’s the fam? I’m sure you’re surprised to hear from me this way, with writing being an almost forgotten art, huh?  You know I love me some you.

That’s really what prompted me to write tonight.  As I was praying earlier today you came across my mind and I just felt impressed to reach out to you.  I’ve been on one of my super critical tangents (you know how I can get) and I finally had to stop and take inventory.  Being of a predominantly melancholy personality it isn’t a hard thing for me to sit and analyze.  What I got from the reflection was that, yes, there is a problem in the world; yes, there is a problem in religion; yes, there is a problem in me.

I’m so tired.  I am almost physically tired, drained from running from God and running my mouth to cover up what I’m afraid for you to see in me.  God already knows, but there are things inside of me that would make you distance yourself from me, and because of that I put up a wall for you.  It’s almost like what Jabez was praying for – asking God to enlarge his territory, build up his borders so that sin wouldn’t get to him and that the sin in him wouldn’t get to others, so he wouldn’t hurt others.

I’m tired of hurting you.  Yes, I have.  I’ve been studying the life of Christ and really picking apart how He handled things, people, friends, leadership, spirituality, Himself.  He wouldn’t treat you as a friend the way I’ve treated you.  I know.  It’s not big things, but still the same, I haven’t been a good friend to you.  I haven’t given you me.  I haven’t given you what you deserve from me and that’s a glimpse of Jesus every time we are in communion.  That’s what I notice about Jesus.  When He was with His friends He gave them a glimpse of heaven because He believed that was important for them to see.

Being the same guy isn’t an option for me anymore.  I want to be meek and lowly in heart, too.  I want you to enjoy being around me because the love that emotes from me is undeniable.  You should feel drawn to me because I am offering you something more than cunning humor, blunt counsel, and a charming personality.  Will you love Jesus more after we’ve gone our separate ways?  That’s what Vonda Beerman asks in one of her songs.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not talking about being all preachy and nun-ish.  That’s not how Jesus rolled either.  He enjoyed the company of his friends as I enjoy yours.  He just gave His friends more than just Himself, and I am barely giving you myself.  I don’t want to talk so much.  I want to listen to you.  I want to hear you.  I want to see your soul and help you navigate the path of life as long as we’re together.  God can teach me to be better.  He can show me how to be better.  He can help me be better.

Haven’t you been wanting someone to live the life that is spoken of so much?  Haven’t you wanted to see someone pick up their cross and follow Christ?  I have.  I have wanted to be that someone.

I thanked God for you today because I know we are friends because of Him.  Thank you for finding me worth investing time in.  Thank you for thinking of me as a treasure.  Now follow me as I follow Christ, not merely in word, but in action.  It’s going to be tough because you know I’m not gentle, or patient, or optimistic, or peaceful, or meek, or humble, or prone to listen, or…okay we’re not going to sit hear and just point out what I’m not!

All I’m saying is that I want to be an example of holiness, an example of what it’s really like to serve the Almighty One with whole-hearted obedience.  I would rather fail working toward that goal than being mediocre as I have been.  I would rather die unloading a massive amount of love and joy and peace and grace on you than being the whack-ass friend that I have been.  I would like to be a marked contrast of the foolishness we see going on in the world of religion.

Just know that without you and God, Huntsville wouldn’t be enough, it wouldn’t even be bearable.  I pray all is well and that this letter finds you in perfect peace.  Until I write again…

Lovingly yours

As for her mother, heal her, LORD.  You know You can.  I’m asking on their behalf.  At least give the doctors a clue so that they can pinpoint what the issue is.  But a healing would be preferred.  We know that You are going to do what is best for all involved, and that You are going to get the glory out of it even if we don’t understand.

Thank You Lord for listening.  Thank You for answering.

Almighty, most holy, LORD, faithful through the ages.

Thank You for answering numerous prayers from me and others about Brian J Anthis finding a new job and getting the heck up away from Enterprise.  With B’s new house a new job was the perfect compliment.

Please continue protecting him in Nashville.  He will get weekends off now!  He’ll be able to strengthen his relationships with his church family as well as begin to spend quality time with his longtime friends, who all mostly were off on the weekends.

Today any tears I cry are tears of joy, Father, because for a long time I thought You were ignoring me on this issue.  I guess You were saying wait.  Thank You for strengthening both my faith and Brian’s faith.  I know he may not attribute it to You, but I will.  I will praise You in the midst of the congregation!

Who is this King of glory, the LORD, strong and mighty in battle.

@AboundingHealth   If u limit God’s power & ablity to a piece of sky, then u will only recieve a piece. Believe n the endless possibilties when u trust n Him.

It has spawned another think tank for me.  Am I limiting God’s power and ability in my life to a piece of sky?  Certainly not.  Not me Mr. G0d-is-all-and-all; Mr. Don’t-think-outside-the-box-think-there-is-no-box; Mr. The-sky-isn’t-the-limit.

Where has my faith dwindled?  I envision myself in the boat with Jesus’s disciples during a storm and He says to them: “Ye little faiths.” (The literal translation straight from Greek).  Of course for us it reads, “O, ye of little faith.”

What I like about the broken English version is that I picture small faith.  It’s like Jesus was looking at them and seeing the attribute, the trait that He was addressing; not the people with the trait.  It makes faith an actual thing and not some wispy, airy, ethereal, invisible something floating around.

 So, where’s God’s Big Faith?  Where am I hiding?  What has me hiding under the bed or in the closet for safety?  How have I shrunk to the status of “Little Faith?”  Where have I allowed the seed of doubt to grow and block the Son?

I dunno…

¹ Let as many bondservants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and His doctrine may not be blasphemed. ² And those who have believing masters, let them not despise them because they are brethren, but rather serve them because those who are benefited are believers and beloved. Teach and exhort these things.

Error and Greed

³ If anyone teaches otherwise and does not consent to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which accords with godliness, ⁴ he is proud, knowing nothing, but is obsessed with disputes and arguments over words, from which come envy, strife, reviling, evil suspicions, ⁵ useless wranglings^[a] of men of corrupt minds and destitute of the truth, who suppose that godliness is a means of gain. From such withdraw yourself.^[b]
6 Now godliness with contentment is great gain. ⁷ For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain^[c] we can carry nothing out. ⁸ And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. ⁹ But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. ¹⁰ For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

The Good Confession
¹¹ But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness. ¹² Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. ¹³ I urge you in the sight of God who gives life to all things, and before Christ Jesus who witnessed the good confession before Pontius Pilate, ¹⁴ that you keep this commandment without spot, blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ’s appearing, ¹⁵ which He will manifest in His own time, He who is the blessed and only Potentate, the King of kings and Lord of lords, ¹⁶ who alone has immortality, dwelling in unapproachable light, whom no man has seen or can see, to whom be honor and everlasting power. Amen.

Instructions to the Rich
¹⁷ Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy. ¹⁸ Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, ¹⁹ storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life.

Guard the Faith

²⁰ O Timothy! Guard what was committed to your trust, avoiding the profane and idle babblings and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge— ²¹ by professing it some have strayed concerning the faith.
Grace be with you. Amen.

1 Timothy 6 (New King James Version)

To those who are called, sanctified by God the Father, and preserved in Jesus Christ:

² Mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you.

³ Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints. ⁴ For certain men have crept in unnoticed, who long ago were marked out for this condemnation, ungodly men, who turn the grace of our God into lewdness and deny the only Lord God and our Lord Jesus Christ.

⁵ But I want to remind you, though you once knew this, that the Lord, having saved the people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe. ⁶ And the angels who did not keep their proper domain, but left their own abode, He has reserved in everlasting chains under darkness for the judgment of the great day; ⁷ as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.
⁸ Likewise also these dreamers defile the flesh, reject authority, and speak evil of dignitaries. ⁹ Yet Michael the archangel, in contending with the devil, when he disputed about the body of Moses, dared not bring against him a reviling accusation, but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” ¹⁰ But these speak evil of whatever they do not know; and whatever they know naturally, like brute beasts, in these things they corrupt themselves. ¹¹ Woe to them! For they have gone in the way of Cain, have run greedily in the error of Balaam for profit, and perished in the rebellion of Korah.

¹² These are spots in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. They are clouds without water, carried about by the winds; late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots; ¹³ raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame; wandering stars for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever.
¹⁴ Now Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about these men also, saying, “Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of His saints, ¹⁵ to execute judgment on all, to convict all who are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have committed in an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things which ungodly sinners have spoken against Him.”

¹⁶ These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts; and they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage. ¹⁷ But you, beloved, remember the words which were spoken before by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ: ¹⁸ how they told you that there would be mockers in the last time who would walk according to their own ungodly lusts. ¹⁹ These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit.

²⁰ But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, ²¹ keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
²² And on some have compassion, making a distinction; ²³ but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.

²⁴ Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
²⁵ To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Jude 1 (New King James Version)

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more–
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice,
And it told Thy love to me;
But I long to rise in the arms of faith
And be closer drawn to Thee.

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord,
By the pow’r of grace divine;
Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope,
And my will be lost in Thine.

Image by rachel_titiriga via Flickr

Oh, the pure delight of a single hour
That before Thy throne I spend,
When I kneel in prayer, and with Thee, my God
I commune as friend with friend!

There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee.

Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
Thy wings shall my petition bear
To Him whose truth and faithfulness
Engage the waiting soul to bless.
And since He bids me seek His face,
Believe His Word and trust His grace,
I’ll cast on Him my every care,
And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to your God to order and provide;
in every change God faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: your God will undertake
to guide the future, as in ages past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
the Christ who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
sorrow for forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Yet I do.  I don’t know what the problem is, though.  It could be a number of  things, I guess, piggy-backing off of each other.  I do know that I’m missing some vital piece of information that will help me seize this elusive virtue.

You know, you think after becoming a Christian - or just trying to become a better person – that once you leave all the craziness that you were doing that things will actually be okay.  But no, that isn’t true.  Well at least for me.

I’ve found that since I’ve been walking the straight and narrow path by faith that my issues aren’t the outside things: clubbing, drinking, cursing, sexing.  My problems are festering on the inside.  And, because I can’t seem to get a grip on things, I get a grip on my thing (Yes, I’m talking about masturbation). 

What everyone sees when looking at me is a stand up guy, but I know that in the privacy of my home, my room, my mind, I’m a sick individual.  I try not to downplay the sin issue.  And I try not to downplay the fact that another integral part of integrity is this: The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.

I told God last night: “Dude, You know I love You.” 

I do love God.  And that’s why I wonder why I’m not whole.  What came out as we talked was that I assumed Tailor Made was going to be some type of cure-all.  I believed that my faith was a cure-all.  But they aren’t.  That shook me up a little bit because I thought I’d be done with the foolishness, the porn, the hate. 

Now I’m understanding why He continued to give me those encouraging dreams.  Those along with His Word are keeping me from drowning in depression and despair.  Just because I have faith that He can do something and I believe that He will do something, doesn’t actually mean that He will do it.  Sometimes we have to go through it (whatever it is for you).

So, this morning I’m glad to know, and confident in the fact, that God’s got my back and He’s going to continue helping me with me.  Yet, I am a little unnerved to see that integrity will continue to always be a couple of steps out of my reach…for now.

Has integrity been eluding you?