KETCHUP: 2ND BOTTLE (S:1)

I guess I should have realized that disconnecting the internet service at home was going to throw GBT off a bit.  I was supposed to be catching you up on things and I kind of fell off.  I fell prey to convenience.

A couple of weeks ago my morning  Bible reading was Psalm 37, and when I read it I knew it was an answer to prayer.

TAKE IT BACK

On Christmas Eve I gave my cousin, whom was rooming with me, two weeks to remove himself and all of his belongings from my home.  I know, how could I do it on Christmas Eve, right!  When something needs to be done nothing should hold you back.

Anyways, I was feeling a little bummed about the whole ordeal.  Why?  A few reasons:

1) My cousin’s fam and not just oh-that’s-my-cousin-so-he-gets-special-treatment, but I have a genuine love for him.  I respected him and treated him better than I do my own brother.  We were actually closer than my own sibling.

2) Point #1 being stated, my disappointment in his behavior is what shocked me the most.  Why try to use and manipulate someone that is lending themselves to your benefit?  I don’t think it’s necessary.  I was amazed at his anger when I asked him to leave.  God had warned me to expect him to be angry, but I didn’t expect the magnitude.

3) I’m sick of always being in the wrong because I try to be truthful, upfront, and firm.  Those three things usually leave no room for error in my thinking.  It’s when I try to be “nice” and “tactful” that problems ensue.  I think that’s mainly because people consider nice to mean agreeable/spineless and tactful to mean soft/overly apologetic.

A NEW WORD ORDER

I don’t subscribe to the above definitions of nice and tactful.  I believe in cutting the fat and giving people what they need.  Granted, I may take a while to say what I have to say because I’m trying to find the best way, albeit the diplomatic way of saying it; best believe though, when it’s said, you will know where I stand.

I learned in high school dealing with females and growing up dealing with my dad not to give anyone the ability to try and read between the lines.  I once told a girl: “There were no lines for you to read between.”  Firm.

Yet, after looking over the situation with my cousin I had to ask God, “What happened?”  And He quickly pointed out that yet again I had moved without asking Him.

I replied, ”Okay, I admit that I didn’t check with You first.  I’m sorry, but dang.  Why am I always in the wrong?  Why doesn’t the other person ever get in trouble?”

So, He directed me to Psalm 37:

Do not fret because of evildoers,
Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.
For they shall soon be cut down like the grass,
And wither as the green herb.

Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm. *

A DIFFERENT MINDSET

Admittingly, I was encouraged by the Psalm yet still a little frustrated.  And then God reminded me that people will know that I am a Christian by my love.  Do I really love my cousin?  Yes.  Then He deserves my forgiveness.  God isn’t asking me to be a blind imbicile because love isn’t blind.  It sees extremely well.  It just doesn’t keep a record of wrongs done because it recognizes the end of evil and the reward of righteousness.

Now, instead of going into express detail of the horrific experience of rooming with my cousin I just cite irreconcilable differences, lol.  Or, our personalities are too dominant to occupy the same space.  How’s that for diplomatic?

Are you struggling with love, forgiveness, and/or irreconcilable differences?

*New King James Version

**originally posted 21 Jan 2010

17 THINGS I LEARNED WATCHING “THE SOLOIST” (S:1)

Let’s see if we are on the same page.  Do you watch movies and come away with points and thoughts that the movie wasn’t even trying to bring out?  For instance, if you’ve seen “Dance With Me,” with Vanessa Williams, did you mourn for a deeper relationship with God while she was dancing with Chayenne during the final ballroom scene? No? Oh, so you’re probably going to leave me hanging with this list of 17 things I learned while I watched “The Soloist” a few weeks ago.  Great movie by the way.

Just a little warning before you get started, this list is in stream of consciousness according to the flow of the movie. I think we may be more alike than you think.

The 17 Things I Learned From the Soloist

1. I need to get a tape recorder: most artists, whether singers, sculpters, writers, etc, will tell you that a key tool for your craft is a notebook by the side of your bed, in your pocket or a mini-recorder.  Robert Downey Jr’s character carried one with him and constantly talked to himself in it.

2. Give my writing all I got: I mean, really, shouldn’t I have been doing that already?  This is why God’s Bespoke Tailoring is going to have quality doggonit!

3. Everyone has a story to tell; God has given me the gift to tell them: Essentially He has. You have the gift to tell yours, also. Maybe not in iambic pentameter as some can do, and maybe not in a chart topping rap song using autotune, but, you can tell it. Use the gift He’s given you even if that means telling a friend that you feel is more gifted. Just get it out!

4. I Like Myself: this movie was not about masturbation at all; in any sense of the word.

5. I Like Myself: Positive affirmation really does work. I have to use it sometimes, quite often actually, against the Devil when he continues to ride my case about my homosexual wiring. “Dude, I’m not gay! I’m complete in Christ.  A new creature.  The flesh and all its lust has been stripped away by the death of Christ and I’m resurrected to a new life in Him.” Ha! I just got geeked typing that.

6. I Like Myself: Being sure of yourself, your talents, your personality, your worth, is considered self-awareness.  Sin is a disease and it doesn’t make you.  God does.  So, be a little confident and enjoy who you are because you were fearfully and wonderfully made.  Once I accepted that then I was able to allow God to show me the things that needed to go (like my occasional meanness).

7. A good way to remember people’s names is to repeat it, spell it, then repeat it again: I’m just saying it’s worth a try for those of use that have a hard time remembering someone’s name 10 seconds after we’re told. I know my problem is sometimes I just don’t care (see #6), but that shouldn’t be a reason to forget a name. If it wasn’t important then people wouldn’t tell us.

Did We Watch the Same Movie?

8. People don’t need another person telling them they need the LORD: By now you’re wondering if “The Soloist” was a Christian movie, or even a faith-based movie. The answer is “No” to both questions. Maybe you’re wondering if I even saw “The Soloist.” Yes, I did, smarty pants.  I told you I get different things than what the movie is trying to give.  Just think about #8 for a moment. Do you need someone else telling you that you need Jesus?  Or do you need to see someone with Jesus living inside of them? Or do you need to see someone living a life like they are a friend of God?  {glasses clink} Here! Here!

9. Good musicians see colors when they hear music: I don’t know how that pans over to writers.  Am I a good writer if I see words and visuals when people speak or are reading things to me?  Or is that just classified as daydreaming?

10. It’s hard for me to be friends with people without expecting something from them: Bottom line…I’m selfish.  Shocking?  Maybe.  And I’m not speaking of expectations like a guy that takes a girl to Taco Bell and expects a BJ in return.  And neither am I speaking of a girl that puts out expecting a diamond studded choker for her services.  Not at all. I expect from a friend certain graces, considerations, respect, and gratitude.  As of late, I’m beginning to see that sometimes I shouldn’t expect that because some people just can’t give it.  Well, at least not the way I expect it.  And I’m sure the same is true for them regarding me.

11. I like the sounds of cello & violin: I thought I knew that already, but now I really know it.

12. I, as a Christian, am too focused on “saving” people instead of being a friend: Tina Turner had the children belt out, “We don’t need another hero. We don’t need to know the way home. All we want is life beyond Thunderdome.” There are a number of my friends, family, co-workers and associates that are looking for life beyond Thunderdome – the shell of a life they have made for themselves.  They want a friend to see them for the jewel that they are and show them that there is life beyond.

13. I, as a friend, am too focused on befriending people instead of saving them: And even with that said, my friends still don’t need a hero. They just need me and what I have to offer. Jesus is the Savior.

14. Beethoven’s music is pretty hot: Am I the last to know this?

15. We don’t like “easy” or “simple”: Maybe we don’t like those because we like to work for things; feel a sense of accomplishment. Yet, when it comes down to it, God says, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” All He asks is that we come to Him by faith (a simple thing in its complex power) humbly recognizing our need.  His invitation: “Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”

16. Most of the time I’m lame: I guess my sister has always had it right about me.  Robert Downey Jr’s character realizing his lameness was a redeeming quality for him, as well.

…And Finally…

17. The Soloist needs to be added to my DVD collection in the midst of  “Almost Famous,” “Finding Forrester,” Antwone Fisher,” and “Good Will Hunting” :

Enough said.

-originally posted November 24, 2009

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MONEY ISN’T MY ONLY DEBT (S:1)

School loans, credit cards, medical bills, and  car loans aren’t the only debts that I have.  And, up until my dad (and homeboy, DJ) royally pissed me off, I was only focused on those debts.

What God whispered to me as He embraced me after I realized that my dad is nearly incapable of showing me the affection and attention that I have longed for was this: “Forgive him.  Honor him.”

Trust me.  I am the first one to tell God, “You have lost Your mind.  I’m not doing that.”  Doesn’t always get the best response, yet I’m honest.

So, probably needless to say, I didn’t forgive my dad, nor DJ, and I definitely didn’t honor him…then.

Fast forward almost three weeks later, after a wonderful, spiritually cleansing, uplifting, awe inspiring, refreshing road trip with my cousin from California to Alabama (told you I was sojourning), and you will find me kneeling by my bed praying.  What was I praying about, you may ask.

I prayed for a lot of things, because the trip helped thaw me out, wake me from my spiritual hibernation.  That road trip in all its glory helped me realize one important thing: that God is bigger than you and me, and He has forgiven us of  a lot more debt than just being buttholes.

“Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” is a line in the Lord’s prayer recited by many people, devout Christians and not, just for the sake of saying it.  But that night, that line popped out of my mouth with a gagging force and I immediately had to put my cards on the table and say, “God, I’ve been a brute! I fold.”

All at once I began praying for my as-whole-dad, my used-to-be-roommate-cousin, my chester-the-molester-uncle, and my drunk-as-a-skunk-friend, DJ.

Why was I praying for those guys?  Because they deserve the forgiveness that God has showered me with; the grace He’s drowned me in; the mercy that He provides for me everyday.  Those guys deserve for me to love them enough to pray for their misgivings, their transgressions, their issues/problems, their sins, and whatever I feel that they have done wrong to me – their debts.  They deserve a clean slate just like I do.

And with that done, I don’t know what now.  Ha!  I always think that every step with Christ, every lesson is some kind of heal all.  Sometimes it isn’t.  Sometimes it’s just about obedience.  And let me tell you.  There was something in that release by forgiving that has renewed me, like a seedling preparing to break through the ground.

I said that 2010 was going to be the year that Psalm 1 would come to fruition in my life; and I praise God for it.

-originally posted April 11, 2010

WHY’S IT SO HARD TO EXERCISE (S:1)

I’ve been planning for two weeks now to get up every morning and “ride” the elliptical in my den.  When my alarm clock goes off I don’t even hit snooze, I turn it off.  Next thing I know it’s 10 ’til 8 and I should be in the car heading to work, but I’m just rolling over and wiping “cat boogers” out of my eyes.

Building Christian character can be a strain sometimes, but it is necessary to "keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." – 2 Peter 1:8 NIV - Mike Waters

This morning I asked God why it’s so hard for me to get up and exercise; a question which kind of piggy-backed off of my question last night, “Lord, why do I keep praying, asking for Your forgiveness and then an hour later find myself failing in the same area?”  Why is being a Christian so hard?

If you know anything about lifting weights you know that a spotter is a necessity to reach optimal results.  A good spotter watches your form, encourages you, lightly assists with the last few reps that you’re straining to push out, and suggests additional weight & guides you to the next level of fitness.  I remembered all of that this morning when I opened my work inbox and saw Mike Water’s Joyful ‘toon for this week titled “Character Building.”

I laughed at myself because I actually could see me as the Christian trembling and sweating under the weight of faith, virtue and knowledge while the Holy Spirit is preparing to add temperance and patience.  But that’s the key, trusting the Holy Spirit as my spotter, knowing that though I may be getting tired and my muscles are wobbling if I just push on through; if I just get up and do it I’ll be okay.

Proverbs 24:16 says:

For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again…

So, though I’ve been slacking and weary I just have to get up, dust myself off (and wipe the sleep out of my eyes), and try again.

originally posted 14 April 2010

WHAT WERE YOU DOING A YEAR AGO (S:1)

Time waits for no one as we know (and if you don’t, you soon will).  So when you look at where you are now, have you progressed? 

Seriously. 

Think about it. 

What were you doing this time last year?   Don’t feel bad if your answer is lying in bed in mom and dad’s basement watching reruns of Jerry Springer.  You’ve progressed, because a year later you’re in bed in mom and dad’s basement reading God’s Bespoke Tailoring on your laptop.  Something has changed.

Every Little Bit Counts

Being a perfectionist I’ve had to learn to let go of the control and take things step by step.  My motto, as I’m sure any perfectionist will tell you, has always been “if I’m going to do it, it has to be done to the tip top or don’t even bother getting involved.”  Yeah it sounds great, but at the same time it lends to a life of no action.  There are some who have a track record of unfinished projects and there are countless others with no track record at all.  Who is better?

Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer to that.  What I do know is, that since I’ve begun to go a little easier on myself I’ve begun to get things done.  This blog is a testament to that.  I even submitted a small memoir titled “Crooked Man” to Natasha David-Walker’s book titled “Sex and the Saints” .  I was amazed that I got it done. It only took one little bit at a time.

More Gravy Please

I think of my nephew, Kermit, when he first began to walk; the big grin as he wobbled to me, arms flailing.  It was great.  I may have been more excited than him.  I believe God feels the same way when we step out to tackle life with joy and purpose.  That’s how I feel.  Sometimes I wish it got a little easier, though.  I guess strength comes from discipline and consistency.

Momma never said it was going to be easy. Daddy said there would be days that I’d want to give up.  My Heavenly Father says that the race isn’t given to the swift or the strong, but it’s given to those that endure. 

So, take a little time during commercial breaks and put that laptop to good use.  Research your dream. Learn something new. Take a step to be different this time next year.

BACK TO 2010

So, what were you doing a year ago? 

I’m happy to say that I was happily blogging away, looking forward to great things.  I remember when I posted my latest facebook profile pic, I said that I had “taken over 2010.”  I also said that with God’s help I was going to “take 2010 into my hands.”

I feel that I’ve accomplished quite a bit.  Tweaked some things.  Like What?

Well, I changed the name of the blog from Tailor Made to God’s Bespoke Tailoring.  I just recently changed the format of GBT.  I’m already looking at giving it a complete facelift .  I’ve been taking dance classes since June.  I’ve now performed in a real production (The Nutcracker: A Yuletide Ballet).  I’m looking to audtition and perform in another one in the Spring.  My sights are also set on auditioning for a role in RENT to be produced by IMP, a theater company here in Huntsville. 

I interviewed with a number of different companies to see what was out there as far as advancing my career, but, after prayer, I saw that God wanted me to stay where  I was and continue to excel (I just received a raving annual review).

Most importantly, I’ve invested more time into friends and family since last year.  I stuck it out at a church that I didn’t care for.  God has delivered me from a major addiction (yep, we need to talk about that).  It’s just been a great year.

You know 2011 is steadily creeping toward us.  Let’s sit down and write out some goals, dreams, and aspirations.  Let’s pray over them, ask for God’s guidance and input, and do the 1-2-step toward making them happen.  You know we can!

stay tailored,

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stay tailored,

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WHEN I ENTER YOUR REST

It seems growing up Seventh Day Adventist automatically puts a bad taste in people’s mouths about the Sabbath.  Probably from the first day I stepped into an SDA church at the age of 7, it has been crammed in my head what I could & should do or don’t do when the sun sets on Friday evening until it sets again on Saturday evening.

That’s all well and good when you’re trying to teach a person the fundamental principles behind Sabbath observance.  The problem comes when those do’s and don’ts set in as rules instead of helpful suggestions.

Breaking The Cycle

I’m elated these days that I have finally found out what it means to “Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.”  I’m also learning what it means to rest for 24 hrs.  I “dropped out” of church for about ten months, and sadly, I didn’t miss it.  The first few months were kind of rocky, because I had to fight with myself regarding whether I was making the right decision.  I read, studied, and prayed until I had a peace about my choice.  Then I spent the next few months learning to rest.

Resting started off partying and clubbing Friday night and sleeping most of the day Saturday, then flowed into hanging out Friday night, sleeping late Saturday, and then lounging & watching tv the rest of the day.  I eventually confronted the fact that I was remembering & resting, but not keeping holy. I thought about Isaiah 58:13,14 and the rest of Exodus 20:8-11.  So, I set about trying to rest.

I stopped hanging out Friday nights (why I was doing that anyway is beyond me) and used those hours for reflection of the past week, unloading issues, thanking God for blessings and reproofs.  I put on calming music that would help usher me into a restful mood. I’d turn off the lights and let the lights from outside filter into my apartment.  Sometimes that would last well into the night; other times I would wake up in the morning realizing I’d fallen asleep shortly after cutting off the lights.  Either way I was happy to have begun the Sabbath actually resting, unwinding, preparing my soul for the rest of the day.

Sabbath days were trickier especially during the summer when sunset was well after 8.  I filled my days with reading; walking; watching sermons on TV or watching Bible/Christian movies or concerts; going to the mountain and engulfing myself in nature; and if it had been an extremely taxing week, I would sleep or lounge.

Most people when they heard what I did balked at me and asked, “What do you think about when you hear the scripture about forsaking the assembling together with the saints?”

I responded, “I think I love that text,” adding, “So, that’s why I call my friends on the phone, or I attend a Sabbath dinner, or I invite them to go along with me on a walk or to whatever outing I decide to do.  I don’t believe it was restricted to going to church, because clearly if the early church was meeting and breaking bread daily, they weren’t doing it in the synagogue.”

Usually that response gets a look of disgust from the close minded, or an I’m-going-to-look-into-that-later look from the Berean-at-heart.  And that’s the same thing I told Jehovah.  “Lord, I’m not running away, just taking a breather.  I want you to teach me how to rest on the Sabbath and keep it holy.  Teach me to deal with the anger I feel toward religion, because if it was really about its business the churches would do like suggested and come together daily for building the members.”

Feeling the Love

I must say that I enjoy Sabbath to no end these days.  I tackle the week with renewed fervor.  I don’t wake up on Sabbath mornings happy, yet dreading the fully packed day of events.  That’s how I use to feel.  Now I take it Sabbath by Sabbath.  I keep myself open to what the Lord wants, whether it is to visit someone, chill, travel, or go to church.

I remember one Sabbath, I was enjoying our time so well I didn’t want to cook.  I thought, “Dog, if I’d prepared something yesterday I could just eat real quick and get back to the love.”  I understood why He had told the Israelites to gather a double portion on Fridays; it would help them stay focused and connected on Sabbath.  God loves it when we really want to spend time with Him, emptying ourselves to be filled by Him.  It’s great.

Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.  And the same thing goes for religion and church. Don’t let it rule you; let God.

This is one of my favorite posts from, if you will, Season One of God’s Bespoke Tailoring.  When I realize that God has spoken to me through a dream it never leaves me.  I’m excited to be able to share some of them with you here and also to have them archived to a degree.  Anyways, I thought you might enjoy catching up on some of the posts you may have missed.

Stay tailored

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YOU ARE ON GOD’S MIND (S:1)

It seems customary to wake in the morning feeling drained or anxious after having a nightmare or some type of troubling dream. But how often have you awaken with a sense of purpose, peace and divine understanding… revelation even?

One morning, my last dream found me explaining to an ecclectic group of people about the beauty of God, our Creator, forming us with a particular purpose in mind.  I’ll spare you the intricate details of the Alice-in-Wonderland-like weirdness of the geography in the dream, however, I’d be amiss if I didn’t pass on the essence of what was being said, because as I awoke from the fog, the last thing I heard my dream-self say was: “God thought of you.”

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

As I lay in bed pondering the statement and rehearsing what I remembered about the dream, various emotions became apparent.  I remembered the joy I experienced as I spoke to the crowd mixed with familiar faces and strangers.  I could still feel the energy that raced through me as the Holy Spirit quickened my mind and I was able to weave the spiritual lesson with a practical application.  A bit of anxiety tinged with anger came to mind as I thought about the jerk in the crowd that tried to rebuttal what was being said right in the middle of my comment.  Amazingly (this is one of the reasons I know it was a dream) I politely held a finger up to the guy and shook my head.

“See, Lord,” I said as I lay in bed reminiscing, “That’s exactly why I don’t like speaking to a group.”

I, also, remember feeling strangely confident in what I was saying and keenly concerned that the audience was grasping the knowledge provided.

An Unlikely Sermon

“That’s not true,” I began my rebuttal to the disgruntled young man in the dream.  “God does care about you,” I continued before pausing. My mind reeled. What was I going to say? How would I prove that God cared about this dude?

“God,” I began again with a surge of assurance, “cares about you because He created you with a specific purpose in mind. It’s like when you create something. You have a purpose for it no matter what someone else tries to do with it. Take for instance a chair.  If you create a chair…”

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” came the interruption right next to me, “because…”

“Not right now,” I said addressing the stranger and holding a finger up to his face.  I continued, “If you create a chair and someone takes it and puts a table cloth on it and says it’s a table. what is it?”

Everyone, including the young man, said, “A chair.”

“Exactly,” I said smiling.  I pointed to another guy in the crowd whose purple sweater still sticks out visually. “Chris, God has put in you specific characteristics and gifts to fulfill a purpose that only you can fulfill. We all have that.  God told Jeremiah that before He formed him in the womb that He knew him.  That means you were on His mind before conception. Just like before you create anything - whether a chair, a piece of art, a stanza of music, whatever it is – you have a picture of it in your mind and how you would like it to be before you begin creating it. It’s the same thing with God.”

And then I spoke the reverberating ”God thought of you.”

Now What?

Joy and uncertainty plagued me most of the day. Joy because everyone wants to be thought of.  Hence a majority of the reason we constantly check iPhones/blackberries/droids for missed calls and overlooked texts; facebook pages for updated comments or likes; tweetdecks for missed retweets or direct messages.

To know that your Creator carried thoughts of you in mind before ever exerting energy to form you should hopefully spark an ounce of awful reverence and tender thanks.

I guess the uncertainty came when I thought about why I needed that dream that morning. I don’t remember going to bed with thoughts of worthlessness or questions of identity.  Maybe it was simply because God wanted to remind me that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  Maybe, like any good father would, He just wanted to remind me that He’s thinking of me.