Continue blessing them, Father, as they grow.  As their love for each other deepens draw them closer to You.  Put a hedge of protection around them and their little girls.  Give them an extra dose of Your love in order for them to give to the girls.  Let the girls see that mommy and daddy are on one accord and are in love with each other.

Strengthen the tie that binds them together.  Allow them to fight to keep their marriage together.  Allow them to argue in order to understand each other.  Allow their friendship to override their anger.  Help them to see the ministry that marriage is and to see that each of them not only needs You but also needs each other.  Teach them how to give what the other needs.  Teach them how to receive what they need from the other.  Instruct them in the masterful art of listening and silence.  Remind them that a soft word turns away wrath.

Father, as they sleep tonight, stand by their bed and watch over them.  Kiss their foreheads and cover them with the blanket of Your peace.  Forgive them of their sins.  Amen.

For years I asked You for spirit filled “parents” that were consistently in Your presence and leaning their ears to hear a word from You.  You so exceeded my expectations when You sent Thomas & Jasmene Rhem back into my life.  Just last night they intently listened as I emptied my analytical rantings on them regarding a concern dear to me.  They prayerfully offered counsel, advice and questions.  Then Thomas prayed for me.

I’m sure it’s been a long time coming for them to have the relationship they do together with You, and the funny thing is they may not even realize that they do; that they ooze a marriage that is wrapped up, tied up, tangled up in You.

My request is simple tonight, LORD: Bless the Rhems indeed, enlarge their territory, keep evil far from them that it may not grieve them and that they may not hurt others. For every soul they have unselfishly sacrificed time and effort for, helping that soul out of the depths of darkness, give them a blessing tenfold and let those blessings be according to Your riches in glory. You know what they need, Father, because You are a just God. Fill a need for each of them.

In Exodus chapter 20, LORD, You said You show mercy and steadfast love to a thousand generations of those who love You and keep Your commandments. Well, that includes the Rhems. Honor Your Word, Father. Shower them with blessings; and, as they kneel drenched in Your never ending grace & mercy may praise and adoration be forever on their lips.

Thank You, I AM, for Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever. Amen.

Don’t even try it.  You lie.  Whether it’s to someone else or to yourself – YOU LIE.

I’ve been thinking about that quite a bit since listening to Talking To Tasha this past Wednesday night.  We were talking about Down Low (DL) dudes and how they are helping facilitate the AIDS epidemic among women, and we mentioned why women don’t just ask, “Hey, honey, do you have sex with other men as well?”  Granted, I don’t think anyone wants to have that conversation, although, these days we definitely should.

Here’s my thing though.  We lie!  With all the mantras of “keeping it real” and “I’m grown” and “Independent Women” and “I’m Holy Spirit filled” and whatever else we say that denotes I’m honest and don’t have to lie, we still do.

Back In the Day

I think about the men that I met through the years that were married and tried to kick it with me.  My response was always: “I don’t do, Daddies,” a category that mainly described married and/or “bi” men.  If I wasn’t going to involve a woman into my chaotic alternative life (as I called it then), why would I allow someone else to? Or make them think it was okay?  Of course, back then, I didn’t even know the statistics of black women contracting the disease.  I just tried to keep foolishness to a minimum.

Yet, I’ve been guilty about lying or hiding other aspects of my life; whether it’s to get what I want or to give people the perception I want them to have of me.  It’s all very draining. 

So why do it?  Why lie?  If you are a grown ass man, taking care of yourself, and the only person you have to answer to is God, then why lie to a woman if she is brave enough to ask you if you get down with dudes?  Why lie about your HIV status if someone is concerned enough about their health to ask you about yours?  Why lie & cheat when you can just tell your husband/boyfriend that you want to see other people?  Why tell a child Santa Clause is real when you know he isn’t (I know that’s random)?

My point is, lying destroys people more than the truth.  

News Flash: {whispers} You’re not protecting anyone.

The Bible records Jesus saying, “The truth will set you free.”  And that truth, sometimes, has to be told to you by you.

Don’t be fool enough to think that people are going to keep it real, because they are afraid just like you are – afraid of losing love, afraid of being ridiculed, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of rejection, afraid of success, afraid of the dark, afraid of being honest, and the the list goes on.  So why lie to yourself saying, “What I don’t know won’t hurt me,” or even “I can take whatever’s dished.”  Chances are it will hurt you and you can’t take it.

I just want you to be wise.  Actually be the smart individual that you portray yourself to be.  Actually live the integrity that you say you have.   Don’t tell yourself that you can spot someone that is diseased or that you can spot a Gay a mile away.  If others lie, connive, manipulate and omit the way you do. ..enough said.

Get tested. Be honest. Keep praying.

On The Radio

Natasha was giving her listeners the old one-two-SNAP.  It was geared toward down-low black men, or MSMs (men who sex men) and the women whose lives they are tearing apart.  She had something to say to rappers that promote the foolishness of IT-girls being the ones with small waists, big rumps, supple breasts and the pole dancing skills of a Cirque du Soleil acrobat.  She didn’t leave BET out of the thrashing either considering it allows the foolishness to be promoted.  And, yes, in case you were wondering she had a little something for Congress as well.  It’s time to stop asking “What role does the government have in the AIDS epidemic?”  As Natasha blasted on facebook: “the gova who…if we don’t raise hell they won’t raise a finger…”

Well you know I had to call in. It was too good to pass up.  And I don’t know how much I added to the show, but she asked me something along the lines of what I thought black women should do to protect themselves.

I frankly told her that I think they should be willing to ask the pointed questions.

My response really made me think.  We as a people, you and I, are often afraid to ask the pointed questions to others, and most importantly to ourselves.  “We’ve taken ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ too far,” Natasha commented.  Indeed we have.

On Facebook and Twitter

So I’m awake blowing up facebook and twitter.  I even went so far as to tweet one of my favorite models, @evamarcille, this little diddy: “pose this question to your girls…before U engage in relations do you ask a man if he has sex with men?”  Will I get a response?  I dunno.  But I felt that I had to spread the word.

I mean, we’re living in a day and time that we are so connected to each other yet so disconnected.  That was one of the things we talked about on Talking To Tasha.  What happened to the camaraderie; the feeling of responsibility for each other?  It is best summed up by the words of Jesus: “…the love of many will grow cold…”

All these facebook friends and twitter followers and blah, blah, blah.  We have no sense of accountability toward each other besides updating our status so that the billions of people around the world can know that I just got off the toilet.  Really?

Out of Control

I guess I’m just a little frazzled tonight.

How about you?

Is any of this making you wonder if you’re doing something worthwhile?  Are you using your voice to make a difference?  Are you using the opportunities that you have to make a change?  Are you using the privileges that you have to do something besides scratch your butt and sniff?  I’m just saying.

This video–> Out of Control: The AIDS Epidemic in Black America is the truth.  I keep getting interrupted while I’m watching it, but what I’ve seen is, whew, eye opening.

Am I going to become the next spokesperson for AIDS? I dunno?  Maybe.  I just know that I’m feeling a little duped.  Duped because, like an ostrich, I’ve gotten frightened by life and I’ve had my head in the sand.

Okay…

My favorite line in The Devil Wears Prada is when Nigel is talking to Andy about her lackadaisical work ethic at the magazine and why Miranda isn’t giving her the props she feels she deserves.  He says, “Wake up, SIX,” snapping her into the reality that she wasn’t doing all that she could to succeed.  I’ve been quoting that for about a month now to myself when I open my eyes to a situation be it spiritual, at work, or anything.

Hey, you. Yes, you. Wake up, Six!

There’s an elephant in the room and it is causing major damage. Call it out the next time you have a chance.  Don’t be afraid to ask the pointed questions.  Don’t be afraid of the responses.  The dialogue needs to happen.  Your life may depend on it.

I know you’ve been telling me for years that I should; and you were quite surprised when I broke up with her back in ’06 and then got right back with her in ’07.

You have to understand that I’ve known her for a long time and she has so many of the things that I like.  So many.  It’s like every time I’m with her I try to focus on one thing but then I see five other things about her that just keep me there.  But last night was the final straw.

Here’s my thing: If you tell me you will be there for me and available to me anytime, then that’s what I expect.  I wasn’t asking for exclusivity; I was only developing our relationship on her terms.  But it never failed that whenever I came around she would make me wait for attention.  I don’t mind standing in line, but when I wait behind half the neighborhood to be seen, I don’t know.  I just don’t think that’s cool.

Granted, I know she’s busy.  Last night was no exception.  But don’t ask me to come through when I need something and then make me wait for an hour, yet again!  Plus, I don’t think her crew liked me.  I would see one of her associates and I would ask them something about her and they would damn near ignore me.

Grown Up

I think what I liked about her the most was how aggressive she was towards me once she decided to change her image and grow up a little bit.  She was such a small town girl for so long that, honestly, I would forget about her sometimes.  My mom and aunts spent a lot of time with her and that’s how we became acquainted.  Once she got bigger though, I would see her all over the place.  Even my friends kicked it with her frequently, so I figured she had to be cool.

She always tried to keep me away from the other girls I spent time with.  Yeah, you remember Target, Best Buy, and Kroger?  Kroger! The girl that lived down the street from us.  We used to walk to see her all the time growing up.  Anyways.  Whenever Wal-Mart would find out I’d been with one of them (I still don’t know how she knew), she would remind me that she had everything that I needed.

“You don’t need to go anywhere else,” she’d whisper.  “I told you I have all you need!”

Thankfully I still hung with Kroger on the low.  Yes, she doesn’t have all Wal-Mart has.  I don’t think anyone does.  Yes, I spend more with Kroger, but Wal-Mart always harped on what a cheap date she was, but I would still end spending way more on her.

A New Love

So, as I said, last night was the final straw.  This morning I got up and went “Krogering” and got exactly what I needed in less time.

I think I’m going to be happy being single.  No. I’m not going to turn into a Casanova just because I plan on spending more time with some of the other girls in town.    I think it’s healthy for me to see what’s out there; see what they have to offer as well.  Learn the things that I like and dislike.

Huh?  No. I don’t plan to see Wal-Mart anymore.  She’s not the only fish in the sea.  I mean, my family and friends still like her, so I’m sure I’ll bump into her here and there around town.  I’ll try not to point out her flaws to them.  But I think in time they will see on their own if they haven’t already.

Right now though, I’m going to focus a bit more time on Kroger because she made Valentine’s Day 2010 awesome.

My speechless is not so much being silent, but more of an inability to wrap my mind around the words.  And that’s what I’m finding happening more and more as my relationship with God deepens.

I hate that two people - one of which trained me and worked with me for the past five yrs and the other being a recent comrad and comic relief within the past two yrs – will be unemployed.  Yet, God has taken care of them and heard their cries for relief.

My prayers are continuously that they will see the silver lining, and while we were at lunch today they both expressed how they would use the time off to rest, spend time with family and catch up on things at home before pushing off to find another job.

Sometimes God’s mysterious ways are bittersweet, yet like Job said, “The LORD giveth and the LORD taketh away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”  I guess that’s what it’s like being a parent: sometimes being misunderstood when you’re really looking out for the child’s best interest.

Do you have an experience where you’ve found God’s ways to be bittersweet, yet you said, “Blessed be the name of the LORD?”

Image by gmayster01 ....Busy via Flickr

I wouldn’t have come out of my stupor had it not been for You, Father, so I have to ask You to help him.  I don’t know how You’re going to do it since he doesn’t talk to You.  Any advice I give he interprets as: “So you think I might have a chance?”

Just don’t let him fall into some deep, dark abyss of depression where noone can get to him if he chooses to stay on this path.  Show him something, please, LORD, that will snap him out of it. 

In the meantime, continue giving me a word in season to pass along to him.  Strengthen me to be the friend that he needs and give me the compassion to recognize his weaknesses and not judge him for them.  I know You love him more than I do and You want to see him healed from whatever “sickness” that’s keeping spellbound.  Forgive him for his transgressions.  Do Your thing, Father.  Save him from himself.

This one goes out to my couples.  All my friends that are married or in a long term loving relationship.  They’ve been so good to me, LORD and for so long I was bad to them.  You know how I felt about couples because I was unhappy with my life for awhile.  Now they make up more than 80% of my crew!

Image by commorancy via Flickr

Please bless them and keep them for Your sake.  For all their hospitality, kindness, comfort and counsel to me, Father, repay them. 

LORD, this is for Lotte & Gustavo, Dianne & Ryan, Thomas & Jasmene, Natasha & Shawn, Sean & Darissa, Joseph & Marquida, Chris & Janiel, Andrew & Shelli, Chris & Martisha, Kayla & Jon, Ian & Celestine, Tim & Brenda, Christy & Ricky, Michelle & Ken, Breck & Heather, Angela & Barry, and Toni & Greg.

First, Father, be the cornerstone and the firm foundation that they all need even if they aren’t willing to accept it.  Then give all the guys the strength needed to be the provider, protector, and patriarch in the relationship.  Open their eyes to see how important it is for them to provide emotional stability for their wives or girlfriends. Give them the patience needed to listen without trying to solve.  Remind them to honour their women and love them as You love the church. 

As for the ladies, LORD, You know how our society promotes indepence for women almost to the detriment of relationships, but I know You have a cure for that.  Give all my girls the strength to stand by their man, encouraging him and being the help-meet You’ve called them to be.  Remind them that being a “strong woman” doesn’t mean being a bitch.  It means with a gentle spirit standing their ground and offering sound guidance and loving patience because we as men can be very prideful.  Keep Proverbs 31 ever in the forefront of their minds.  Let them be an example to the world of what a woman really is!  They’re already a great example to me.

I praise You, Father, for answered prayers.  May Your kingdom reign forever!    

Please protect O from the evil one.  Seriously.  Forgive him for getting involved in something he knew he shouldn’t have.  The thousands of women in his city and he starts dating one from the hospital knowing that policy expressly states that staff dating is prohibited no matter what hospital the staff belongs to.  A little pushy, LORD, but policy nonetheless.

Image by Howard▼Gees via Flickr

He’s really concerned about the ramifications now if he is to break it off or keep going with it.  Either way can be a mess.  We know that he should stop dating her, so will you please soften the blow?  We all step into a bad decision from time to time, which is why our prayer should be: order our steps in Your word.

That’s easier said than done in our eyes, Father, I have to be honest.  You say that it’s easy. 

Please give O the guidance he needs to navigate this minefield successfully.  Don’t allow Satan to mess up what O’s beginning down there.  We all know that women are a form of kryptonite for him, especially when he’s frustrated with something else. 

Just protect him, Father!  Arise, oh LORD, and demonstrate Your power.  This situation isn’t going to end well unless You step in.  Please help him.  Please.